Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
