I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize