u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
