he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
