I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
