their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
