why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize