just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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