It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
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My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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