We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There r osticjed everywhere
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
