We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
my penis made a compromise with my morals
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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