Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize