Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
