I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think my moral compass just broke
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
