please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize