brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
