A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
