I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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