I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am midnight drunk by noon
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
