So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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