somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm bleeding and have questions
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