I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
