your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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