I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
