my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
