So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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