k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
