chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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