when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
