Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
