i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
