Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
