found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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