Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
