SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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