Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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