why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
