Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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