just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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