I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
