2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
whose parrot is this?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
