just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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