so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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