Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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