Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
