I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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