HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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