he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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