standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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