Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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