i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
