Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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