I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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