i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
