I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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