they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
