i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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