with your own penis?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the day after is always just damage control
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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