oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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