You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
