I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
