What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
