sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
