i barfeds in our rink
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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