How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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