life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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