Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
