I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
