If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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