is your mom at the bar?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
