omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
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BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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