after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
