sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
