oh god the rape fog is back!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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