I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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