I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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