If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
