I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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