nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
