Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
